There is a
lot to cover here, and because I am limited to two minutes, I will have to talk
fast. So please pay attention.
Number One on The Hit
Parade: Stormy Daniels, Of Course!
Thanks to
her never-letting-up lawyer, Michael Avenatti, who keeps his client under the
spotlight, with legal maneuvers and schoolyard taunts of the Orange Man and the
Orange Man’s hatchet man, Michael Cohen, Stormy’s smiling face (and other
famous parts) are just about inescapable. Avenatti is having fun with this.
Stormy is having fun with this. Donald Trump, not so much.
The Best Trophy Girlfriend
Award: Playboy Model, Karen McDougal.
For ten
months, until she says that she broke it off, she was his mistress. Normally,
it’s bad P.R. for a married man to be traveling around with a woman who is not his
wife, instead of with the woman who is his wife. Fortunately, this president
makes his own alternative P.R. -- which is just fine for those who enjoy
alternative facts.
The Unappreciative Apprentice
Award: Summer Zervos.
She says that
Donald Trump didn’t just say, “You’re fired!” he made unwanted sexual advances.
He says she’s a liar. Now, she is suing for defamation of character. The courts
said the suit can proceed. When it does, there will be a discovery phase. When Paula
Jones sued Bill Clinton, it was the discovery phase that led to Monica
Lewinski’s icky dress. And that is what led to Bill Clinton’s impeachment.
The Bizarre Hypocrisy
Award: Tim Murphy.
This Pennsylvania
Republican, a vehemently anti-abortion lawmaker, was forced to resign after it
was revealed that, upon learning that his mistress was pregnant with his child,
he tried to coerce her into having an abortion. Apparently, abortion had its
place, when it came to protecting his own self-important backside.
The “That is Definitely
Not My Job Description” Award: Trent Franks.
This
Republican Arizona lawmaker was forced to resign after it was revealed that he
approached female staff members with a
request that one of them agree to act as a surrogate by carrying his child –
presumably utilizing the fun method of impregnation.
The “I Really Thought
This Was Part of My Benefits Package” Award: Patrick Meehan.
Compared
with the other members of this club, it might not seem like such a big deal
that this Republican lawmaker settled his sexual harassment claim brought by a
female aide by paying her off with taxpayer money (which the House kept secret
until House women forced open the closet door), but he made the list because he
had to resign his position on the House Committee on…wait for it…wait for it…The
House Committee on ETHICS! He will not be seeking re-election.
The Creepiest Judge in
History Award: Roy Moore.
He almost
made it to Congress as Alabama’s replacement for Jeff Sessions. I think when
you get thrown out of a shopping mall for having a history of stalking young
girls, you probably shouldn’t go to Congress, or ever have presided over a
trial, or ever be allowed within twenty feet of an elementary school.
Of course
there have been some recent sex-related scandals in the Democratic Party. But,
none of them possess the entertaining weirdness of those on this special list. Democrats
will take back the House in November. And some of them will behave badly. Let’s
not forget to skewer them when they do.
But, until
then, I just need to survive Trump.
My timer
just sounded. It was set for exactly two minutes.
