A QUICK SEX SCANDAL REVIEW OF THE PARTY IN POWER

There is a lot to cover here, and because I am limited to two minutes, I will have to talk fast. So please pay attention.

Number One on The Hit Parade: Stormy Daniels, Of Course!

Thanks to her never-letting-up lawyer, Michael Avenatti, who keeps his client under the spotlight, with legal maneuvers and schoolyard taunts of the Orange Man and the Orange Man’s hatchet man, Michael Cohen, Stormy’s smiling face (and other famous parts) are just about inescapable. Avenatti is having fun with this. Stormy is having fun with this. Donald Trump, not so much.

The Best Trophy Girlfriend Award: Playboy Model, Karen McDougal.

For ten months, until she says that she broke it off, she was his mistress. Normally, it’s bad P.R. for a married man to be traveling around with a woman who is not his wife, instead of with the woman who is his wife. Fortunately, this president makes his own alternative P.R. -- which is just fine for those who enjoy alternative facts.

The Unappreciative Apprentice Award: Summer Zervos.

She says that Donald Trump didn’t just say, “You’re fired!” he made unwanted sexual advances. He says she’s a liar. Now, she is suing for defamation of character. The courts said the suit can proceed. When it does, there will be a discovery phase. When Paula Jones sued Bill Clinton, it was the discovery phase that led to Monica Lewinski’s icky dress. And that is what led to Bill Clinton’s impeachment.

The Bizarre Hypocrisy Award: Tim Murphy.

This Pennsylvania Republican, a vehemently anti-abortion lawmaker, was forced to resign after it was revealed that, upon learning that his mistress was pregnant with his child, he tried to coerce her into having an abortion. Apparently, abortion had its place, when it came to protecting his own self-important backside. The special election to fill his seat resulted in a shockwave win by Democrat, Conor Lamb.

The “That is Definitely Not My Job Description” Award: Trent Franks.

This Republican Arizona lawmaker was forced to resign after it was revealed that he approached  female staff members with a request that one of them agree to act as a surrogate by carrying his child – presumably utilizing the fun method of impregnation. 

The “I Really Thought This Was Part of My Benefits Package” Award: Patrick Meehan.  

Compared with the other members of this club, it might not seem like such a big deal that this Republican lawmaker settled his sexual harassment claim brought by a female aide by paying her off with taxpayer money (which the House kept secret until House women forced open the closet door), but he made the list because he had to resign his position on the House Committee on…wait for it…wait for it…The House Committee on ETHICS! He will not be seeking re-election.

The Creepiest Judge in History Award: Roy Moore.

He almost made it to Congress as Alabama’s replacement for Jeff Sessions. I think when you get thrown out of a shopping mall for having a history of stalking young girls, you probably shouldn’t go to Congress, or ever have presided over a trial, or ever be allowed within twenty feet of an elementary school.

Of course there have been some recent sex-related scandals in the Democratic Party. But, none of them possess the entertaining weirdness of those on this special list. Democrats will take back the House in November. And some of them will behave badly. Let’s not forget to skewer them when they do.

But, until then, I just need to survive Trump.

My timer just sounded. It was set for exactly two minutes.