GANGSTERS, TRUMPS, AND THIEVES - PART ONE

For those of us anxiously awaiting the first wave of books and movies, chronicling the Rise and Fall of the House of Trump, every spicy story-appetizer served up by leaks and investigative reporting pleasantly teases us with the feast that will one day be served – hopefully served warm, rather than cold.

We already know that the feast will include heaping portions of Russian caviar and lots of Stolichnaya vodka, so how appropriate that a catering hall has a prominent place in this Russian flavored American saga!

El Caribe is a catering hall/social club in Brooklyn, New York. Check out their website. It looks like a beautiful venue for a wedding, anniversary or birthday party, bar mitzvah or christening, or a future celebration of the return of our national sanity, hopefully beginning in November.

But today’s El Caribe lacks the sizzle that it had a few decades ago. In the 1970s through 1990s, Russian and Italian mobsters did a lot of socializing, celebrating and business dealings at the Brooklyn gathering spot.

Evesei Agron, otherwise known as the Russian Godfather, had an office there. So did Marat Balagula, sometimes referred to as the Russian Tony Soprano.  Marat was a sometimes business partner of Anthony “Gaspipe” Casso, a ruthless murderer who headed the Mafia’s Lucchese crime family.

Back in the day, you would likely have run into Gaspipe at El Caribe, because Gaspipe was held in high regard by the club’s owner, Morton Levine, or “Uncle Morty,” as he was known to his favorite nephew, Michael Cohen.

Michael Cohen and his cousins each owned a piece of Uncle Morty’s El Caribe, though Michael “the Fixer” Cohen gave up his interest when Donald Trump was elected president.

I guess he thought it might look bad.

After all, he expected to be awarded a big job in the Trump administration, maybe chief-of-staff.  Attention would be paid to his business interests.

He never got the job, but he is certainly getting the attention.

Besides bungling the porn star problem, what else did Michael “the Fixer” Cohen fix? Besides Donald Trump, the man he called, “Boss,” who else in the House of Trump did he fix problems for? And, just what means did he employ to fix those problems?

Clues to answering that third question might begin in the book chapter entitled, El Caribe.

Well, that's it for now. Time really flies when you're talking about murderous gangsters with colorful nicknames and connections to the president's buddy-in-charge of solving potentially embarrassing problems. 

More delicious appetizers will be served in my next two minutes. Yum!

A TALE OF TWO FIXERS (OR FIXERS WHO NEED FIXERS)

Ray Donovan is a fictional character. Please keep that in mind. Ray drives a cool Mercedes, wears expensive suits, and has a drawer full of Rolex watches. Maybe not every one of them is a Rolex. Maybe some of them are more expensive than a Rolex. I have no idea. The point is that Ray Donovan is just about the coolest tough guy you would ever meet.

Cool as he is, you would not want to meet him if you were causing problems for one of his employers, like a big law firm or a movie star or a rich professional athlete, etc. etc. etc. Ray gets hired by the rich and famous to make problems go away. He will do what his employer can’t do, which might mean a duffle bag full of cash, an envelope full of compromising photos, or a very convincing threat of bodily harm.

Michael Cohen dubbed himself Donald Trump’s Ray Donovan. Every kid should have a role model.

Presidential candidate, Donald Trump had a pesky little problem with a porn star. His lawyer and fixer, Michael Cohen made the problem go away. End of story!

Well, not quite!

The silenced porn star came strolling onto center stage, arm-in-arm with the lawyer from Hell. And now, Michael “the fixer” Cohen has an influence peddling problem, which happens to include – you won’t believe this -- a Russia connection!

Now the ex-fixer, himself, has been silenced and will likely remain silenced until he decides to sing like a canary to stay out of prison. Michael Cohen – a fixer no more -- will need to find a new claim to fame, not to mention a new fictional role model.

Fortunately, the president has found a new fixer.

Enter Rudy Giuliani!

Finally, the president has the defender he needs and deserves – a former legendary prosecutor and associate of Robert Mueller, a former legendary crime-busting mayor, and the hero whose strength and calm under fire guided New York in the aftermath of 9/11.

And more importantly, a combative personality who could go on television news shows with a big (and strange) smile, and slap down biased interviewers, who are on a mission to trick Trump surrogates into telling the truth.

Oh, and one more thing: a man who has perfected the skill of answering any tough question by adding the line “Hilary did worse and she didn’t go to jail.”

As you know, Rudy got off to a rather rocky start. First he contradicted the president’s claim that he didn’t know about the $130,000 payoff to Stormy Daniels. Then he tried to explain why the contradiction wasn’t really a contradiction. Then he explained that he was new on the job and wasn’t quite up to speed on the facts.

It was important for us to know that the president did nothing illegal and despite appearances, he was not trying to influence the election, and Hilary did a lot worse and didn’t go to jail.

So, seeing the mounting confusion and increased legal jeopardy, his employer had to step in and fix it, as only he could. Here’s what the great communicator said:

“When Rudy made the statements – Rudy’s great – but Rudy had just started and wasn’t totally familiar with everything.”

“We love Rudy, he’s a special guy. What he really understands is, this is a witch hunt. He understands that probably better than anybody … but when he made certain statements, he just started yesterday.”

And that pretty much explains it. Don’t you think?

Of course there is more. The Rudy Reality Show is still going strong. But that is for another two minutes.